Why the falling figures?
How could I possibly describe it… coming out of a couple of years of uncertainty, having been too unwell to do the things I took for granted; having my whole future reduced to 3 week intervals as my mind could not process anything beyond the next treatment I had lined up… my world had shrunk in an instant.
We have a plan, a confidence that our lives will move forward as we envision it, we have these goals and plans that we peruse or bank for another day, we are always looking forward… sometimes at the expense of the present.
When you are told you have cancer it’s like suddenly the rug is pulled from under your feet and under that rug is a big black hole that you suddenly find yourself falling into. All of that certainty, that vision in your head of how your future should be has suddenly gone and replaced at that moment with… nothing.
I could only describe that as feeling like you are in freefall there’s no sense of certainty you’re moving in a direction, you’re in motion, doing the stuff you need to survive, making as many memories as possible but not in control and that’s where the falling figures came from.
These falling figures illustrate the lack of control, a lack of certainty, a time where I was moving towards something unknown… but these figures are not representative of absolute despair, they are not meant to be interpreted as sombre or sorrowful. They radiate colour and energy, some are fragmented - yet they are bursting with colours such as violet, greens, yellows and blues to show reflection, energy, growth, healing and creativity. I see opportunity in embracing our vulnerability.
These pieces were created in reflection, after having a new beginning afforded to me through a donor stem cell transplant I know I am incredibly lucky to be here, with each passing day post-transplant in my mind my future got a bit longer and I could see the next 6 months, the next year then gradually I began to think about who I was, to set goals, to start to think about what I really wanted, what my dreams were and to set about ‘living’ wondering what I could possibly achieve in my time here and what I could leave behind in the world.
Only one thing is certain and that is that life is uncertain.
I hope my work can be a reminder to take hold of the present and enjoy it, to enrich every day by embracing moments and try to live to your true purpose, life isn’t static, we are always in motion and there is growth even in the most uncertain times.